i barfeds in our rink
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
