Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
