his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
