We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
