WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
