Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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