My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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