You just made me feel so damn special
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
