dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
