I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
