well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
