He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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