my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
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I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
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Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
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