He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize
