remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
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