I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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