I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
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