the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
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