What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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