new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
