I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
