she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
