And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
