The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I checked into jail on foursquare
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Randomize
