When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
