Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Why can't burritos get me drunk
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Randomize
