this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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