So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
