did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
Randomize
