Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
