Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
