listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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