I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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