I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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