She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Randomize
