Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Have you finally orgasmed yet?
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
