I'm so fucking centered right now
sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Randomize
