GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
