It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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