I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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