I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
