yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
