"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Dick very happy bro
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
