my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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