Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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