I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
