I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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