I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
