Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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