It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I still have a little drunk in my system
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize
