Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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