I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
