I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Randomize
