I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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