Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
