I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
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The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
