Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
