look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I love you. Go after that dick
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