i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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