i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
