That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I looked at my own cervix.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
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I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
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WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
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